Your love is extravagant.

music by casting crowns
(i think it's)originally written by darrell evans.

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel I'm moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in the secret place
Coz Your love is extravagant

Spread wide in the arms of Christ
There's a love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known;
You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again.

***

consider these words. take a moment to ponder the meaning and inspiration behind these lyrics. maybe you will realize how the love God showers on us is unbelievably lavish. maybe you, like me, need that reminder.

when.

when i cannot look beyond my flaws...
lift me up and encourage me.

when i fall down and cannot get back up...
pull me back onto my feet.

when i sink and begin to gasp for life...
carry me ashore and revive me.

when i sing songs of joy...
let them please you like sweet honey to Your lips.

when i serve Your people...
grant me strength and wisdom to do what is right and good.

when i speak out loud...
let my words edify and encourage those around.

when i act and move...
let me not be a stumbling block.

when i pray...
let my focus be You; nothing and no one else.

as i live out this life...
let my eyes never leave Your face.
let my knees never leave the ground they kneel on in front of Your throne.
let my lips never cease to sing Your praise.
let my words never fail to show them how much You love them.

let me yield to You as clay to a potter
as paint to an artist
as wood to a carpenter
as marble to the sculptor.

let Your light guide me along life's ways
be my lighthouse on stormy nights
by my parasol when the heat scorches
be my river, my source of refreshment and life -

my only life-giver.

remembering You.

i'm feeling a bit sad because i can't remember my childhood. well, i can remember bits and pieces of it, but i can't remember exactly when things happened...stuff like that.

and it makes me sad because my childhood was a part of my life, and now that i can't remember it, i feel like it's lost in time forever.

just as i seem to have forgotten my childhood, there are many times i've forgotten the presence and hand of God in my life. maybe it's because i've taken Him for granted one time too many. or i've just been blind, deaf and ignorant to His work in my life. either way, it's something i should not do.

i'm reminded of the verse i read the other day - leviticus 22:32b-33:
"I am the LORD, who makes you holy and who brought you out of Egypt to be your God. I am the LORD."

here we see God reminding the israelites of who He is. He's asking them to remember Him, to not forget Him. to celebrate the passover because it signifies what God has done for them to deliver them from the egyptians. and the israelites are a forgetful lot. later on, we read in the book of judges that they forgot God and fell into a cycle of sin...again and again.

aren't we just like the israelites so often? forgetting the place of God in our lives. taking Him for granted as some magic genie who grants all our wishes. grumbling, complaining when things do not go our way. becoming bitter and angry during times of despair or trial. only looking to God when life is smooth-sailing, sunny and happy.

we forget the sovereignty of God way too often. human nature? perhaps. but i feel that i need to make a conscious effort to remember God in my everyday life - even when things do not go my way, even when things are going well.

because in the end, we're just breathing the breath He gave us to breathe, to quote a matt redman song we sing at church sometimes. because at the end of it all, we're His creations and happily and conveniently forgetting God breaks His heart.

and isn't He too important to forget? or have we marginalized Him in our lives, cleanly forgotten that all we have is provided by Him? have we pushed God aside, putting other things we deem to be more important in His place?

i pray that i will continually remember God in my daily life. what about you?

somewhere out there.

the first few lines of the song go:

somewhere out there beneath a pale moonlight
someone's thinking of me
and loving me tonight.

it's such a sweet song, and as a sidenote i really loved the cartoon when i was a kid (and i really want to watch it again).

and those 3 lines reminded me of God.

except that God isn't "somewhere out there", but right here in my room. in my heart. watching over me. making sure i have enough. loving me.

and He doesn't just think of me and love me tonight. but every day. every second. every minute. every moment of my life, i'm loved by God.

and just so you know, He thinks of you just that way too. (:

it's not much...

but to me, it's everything.

to see my GPA creep up from a dismal 3.45 to 3.51. i know many would shudder in fear at the thought of graduating with 2nd Lower Honours, but for me, seeing my grades improve is something i'm thankful for.

and in awe of Him, i am. because there is no way i could've done it alone. there is no way i walked this semester through alone. because He's always been guiding me, holding my hand...even when i couldn't tell, even when i was dead to all of His work.

because God is a faithful God.
because God is a generous God.
because God is a gracious God.
because God is my Jehovah Jireh, provider.

and His grace is more than sufficient for me.

and He's more than worthy of all the praise i could offer.

the numbers may not seem like much by the standards of the world, but because i know it's a gift from God...all the difference is made.

fearless now - sheri carr

i'm in the midst of planning my timetable right now. it's a truly traumatic experience, given that i've got quite a number of modules to clear in the coming semester. and when things start to clash and stuff like that, it's easy to get all frantic and flustered.

i'd finally finished planning my timetable.

and then i was overcome with this uncertainty, this sudden sensation of fear. fear that something's going to go terribly wrong.

and i remembered this song (which i'm now listening to right now) which is in the cd yipeng lent me the other day.

it's a timely reminder of how there's nothing to fear when God is such a mighty God that He encompasses, wipes out all shreds of the wimp in me. there's no need for cowardice or fear when God's on my side. (:

take a listen to it here:

***

fearless now - sheri carr

when i feel afraid,
You're my fortress strong on high
Your love like armour, shielding on all sides
from storms unkind
i hide in the shadow of Your wing
where peace abides
be still, oh anxious mind

i know You see me cry, You count my tears
in sleepless nights i know You're near

Lord I choose
fearless now to trust in You
believe Your promises are true
i'm proud to praise the God who saves

You're the source of hope in this life
when doubts arise
and worries try to steal the truth with lies
Your sacrifice untold
redeemed me, Lord, from satan's hand
be glorified my King, You saved my soul

i know when the battles come
i will face my hears
but it's worth the fight; i know You're here.

he sang me latenight lullabies, carried me in his arms till i stopped fussing and fell into slumber. read me cinderella over and over until i was satisfied. taught me to swim, to ride my bike. you made sandcastles with me in the playground, carefully documented my early years in one huge stack of photographs.

from him i get my hot temper, my impatient streak. my mum says i like the same foods as he does (with a couple of exceptions, of course). just like him, i dabble in photography and my half-baked version of making music.

from him i inherited a love of nature - catching the sunlight weave its golden strands through spring-green vines, spotting a squirrel swiftly dashing from branch to branch, listening to the early-morning chirp of the songbird fluttering between the branches of our pomegranate plant.

from him, i learned what is love - an emotion that does not always need to be articulated in spoken or written word, but in actions that seem unimportant, but which show me that i am loved. he waits up for me when i get home late. he forsakes his sleep so that he can give me a ride home from the train station so i don't have to wait for the last bus. he encouraged and he nurtured...all these years.

and he still does, even as the days fly past and this little girl is blossoming into womanhood.

but was i blind to most of it?

as i look back, i know and i realize what a blessing he is. and how God could have given me no other. father's day sunday is over now, but let that day just be another day. and let everyday be a day we remember the love our earthly fathers have showered upon us...and be thankful and glad for what God has given.

struggle.

picture courtesy of postsecret.

the struggle is real.

and even though i know it isn't true, these jarring thoughts appear in my mind once in a while. and all i want sometimes is for them to go away...far, far away from me.

because it hurts to know that because i wear a size 12 or 14, people might look at me differently. and this is the superficial side of me you may not know. the vain side of me that you may not have witnessed before.

and just to let you know, the struggle is real. the struggle is constant.

the tense tug-of-war that wages on in my mind between fixating myself on the earthly definition of beauty and focusing on what God wants is a constant one.

i'm not saying that shedding a few kilos isn't good for me. because it is good for my health. and i'm also going to state that i've not been exercising as much as i should or eating as well as i should lately. and i'm trying to get back on track with that. i'm not saying that my health isn't important to me, because it is and i have been taking it for granted...but that's not the point now.

but the truth and the point is, God made me and how can i not be a wonderful creation? perhaps this is something i'm meant to struggle with...perhaps it is a thorn in my flesh, just like what paul spoke about in the book of corinthians.

so God, help me focus on you instead of my physical flaws. help me to remember that i'm always loved despite what i look like...by You, and by my family, and by my brothers and sisters in Christ, unconditionally. mend these insecurities which have plagued me all these years, Daddy. come and mend this broken heart.

love song.

to sit quietly at Your feet
looking up in
sheer awe and reverance

at One too beautiful
at One too holy
at One too pure

for this sin-drenched heart
to ever fathom -

this is my honour,
this is my privilege.

in the quietness
i am surrounded by You
You blanket me with assurance
that You are here
near; no - with me.

and amidst the singing i speak
and You listen
You have time for me
however small
however insignificant
however unworthy
however undeserving.

and such is the mystery of this faith
the beautiful mystery of this faith
that You loved; You love
despite everything we are
despite everything we were
despite everything we might be

You love, unendingly
sacrificially
unconditionally.

unconceivable to this mortal mind
is Your unfailing love
unwavering and steady
just like the sturdiest rock

i stand on this love
the love that encompasses all
the love that is mightier than anything
my foundation which cannot be shaken
the love which gives rise to grace,
to mercy undeserved

i stand on this Love.

metamorphosis.

wrap me in Your strong arms again, Daddy-
cocoon me in Your warmth
surrounding me like cashmere silk
soft smooth inviting
comfort me
breathe life into me
within this cocoon i mature.

Your hands mould me slowly surely;
it's painful
and there are times i barely can breathe
but in the end

You make me beautiful
You whisper gently in my ear
that i am loved.

and i will chase You
on limbs swift like an antelope
running after you
leaping for joy
dancing for the King Himself
has saved
and continues to

save

it takes one simple sentence to make me upset, even if it's only for a moment.

one moment of bliss, of thanksgiving, of joy. marvelling at the grace i don't deserve. sitting there in front of my computer screen, staring open-mouthed in amazement at those six letters. in awe of what You've done despite what i've done.

truly, i should be thankful. because i didn't do it by my own efforts. You held my hand in those cold examination halls. You gave me the words to write. You held my mind steady and helped me not to lose concentration. it was You all along...never me.

but one sentence, one thought put in my mind by someone else hurt me.

made me feel inadequate. made me feel like i'd been wasting my time all this while. and so the tension arises within me. how could it be, when all along i've been so sure You've placed me where i am. that You were the one who made a way for me to end up where i am.

so the world implies that i'm lousy, that the time spent in school won't matter if i graduate with the grades i now have. and it hurts me because it makes me feel, as coarse and uncouth as it sounds, stupid. it makes me feel like i'm not of any value at all.

but we know that it cannot be. because i know that i am not to chase worldly standards, but to run after Your standards. and Your standards are always different from the standards of the world.

help me be content. not just content. help me celebrate all that i've been blessed with. give me a heart that leaps with unadulterated, uninhibited joy. help me to remember that above all, You're in control of it all. i will chase You, just as You've chased me. You make my heart glad, Lord.

You make my heart glad.

do i see Him?

i watched the chronicles of narnia: prince caspian today with my family, and i thought the show was pretty good overall. so yay. in terms of plot, it wasn't exactly like the book, but as a movie it was quite gripping and palatable.

anyway, there were two scenes in the show which really struck me and made me think some. it's kinda like i won't sleep till i finish blogging about this. (:

warning - spoilers ahead!

scene one: the pevensie siblings are in narnia, and are travelling through the woods. lucy sees aslan, but none of her siblings believe her. peter (i think it's peter anyway) asks her why she thinks she sees aslan and she looks really peeved. this is her reply: "maybe you just don't want to see him."

it made me think of how often we choose not to see God. okay so technically we can't see God, but we can see Him working around us, working through us, using us to bring His name glory. and sometimes we choose not to see God...we simply attribute stuff that happens to earthly logic, instead of choosing to see God's hand in it. is this fair to Him, being the Almighty God who is omnipresent and omniscient? i'm quite ashamed to admit that i've been in the place of peter pevensie. perhaps, just as he chose not to see aslan, and chose not to remember aslan, i too have forgotten to see God's hand working in my life, i've chosen to forget and deny Him in my own life.
scene two: the narnians are at war with the telmarines, and peter chooses to send lucy into the woods to find aslan for help (at last he comes to his senses and decides to seek aslan!). so lucy's on horseback, and she finally finds aslan. she's really glad to see him and the following dialogue takes place -

lucy: aslan! it's you! i always knew it was you!
aslan: if you knew it was me, why didn't you come find me?

this reminds me of how often i forget to seek God and spend time with Him. lucy knew that narnia was in trouble because of their telmarine enemies, and she knew aslan was around, but she didn't go find him, sticking around with her siblings' decisions instead. in pretty much the same way, when i'm in a time of trouble, distress or dilemma, how often do i seek God? i mean, i know He's around, and i know He sticks around all the time...but how often do i actually remember to do that instead of panic, and then proceed to make stupid human decisions?

so there you have it. two scenes from the movie that got me thinking a little in the cinema. if you've watched the movie, you'll probably be able to relate better. if you haven't, go catch it! (: golden village and cathay have student rates some of you may find useful.