i shall admit this up front - i've been feeling very bitter and sore this christmas. i could justify this by saying that having attended two funerals in two months, having cried my eyes out on sunday night when i was alone so my parents wouldn't catch me in tears. i've been fighting myself most of the year, damaging myself physically and emotionally, and probably leaving those close to me just as hurt.

christmas this year, it didn't seem to mean anything at all. just another public holiday. i took leave tomorrow, so the long weekend would be a bonus, i guess. and to make matters worse i'd decided not to go on holiday with my parents, and i was feeling pretty darn miserable.

so, while i was supposed to be praying for the carols by candlelight service in church yesterday, i whispered to God, "help me find You even though i am a mess this Christmas and i don't know if i want to believe in the meaning of Christmas anymore."

after the puppet performance we put up, which was pretty awesome by the way, it was time for the pageant and the service. the pageant was super cute and all, little kids being just who they are, but it was pastor sam's mini sermon that got me. i don't remember much of it because half the time i was trying to search for a missing microphone one of the puppeteers had used, but one line struck me.

you don't have to be happy during christmas.

you don't. and there are many who aren't. the mother whose premature baby is fighting for her life in the neonatal ICU ward. the family who lost a loved one a few days prior to christmas. someone might be suffering from clinical depression. someone else may have just received news that it's probably his last christmas. there is so much that makes us unhappy during christmas.

and it's alright to feel unhappy during christmas, because we are human after all. but in the midst of the unhappiness, of the struggle, of the pain, do you remember why there's christmas to begin with?

a baby born in a manger to an unwed, virgin mother, whose entire community must've thought her either crazy or promiscuous. a righteous man who stood by her through the mockery, sacrificing much of his social status. i don't think mary and joseph had a very happy lead-up to Jesus' birth, either.

but on that holy night, there He was - a King born in a lowly manger, sharing his first night on earth with an assortment of animals and a cacophony of noises.

Christ came to earth as a little baby to provide the remedy for a world shrouded in darkness, a world thirsting for answers, to calm the violent storms which plague our lives. if this wasn't the state of the human condition, if we were perfect and shiny and happy all the time, we wouldn't need Jesus. i wouldn't need Jesus in my life.

i've always loved to imagine what the star that guided the wise men to baby Jesus looked like. i've always thought it would be dazzling and beautiful, a beacon in the sky.

and that night as the star shone, leading the wise men to the baby King, it also led them to our source of hope, our stronghold, God in flesh, Emmanuel.

without Christ, mankind would have no hope.
without Christ, i wouldn't be able to face tomorrow.
without Christ, we would be shrouded in darkness,
and left alone to fight storms, we would fail terribly.

with Christ there is hope.
with Christ there is courage to wake up tomorrow.
with Christ there is unconditional love.
with Christ there is a Friend to walk with us.

and so that's why we need Christmas and even if your Christmas has been like mine, remember that you don't need to be happy during this season. you don't even have to be in the mood to celebrate and make merry. all you need to do is to be thankful for the gift of love and the gift of life God gave us and remember that because of a little baby born in a stable in Bethlehem, there's hope for tomorrow and a love that is greater than all of your fears.