it is well.

when peace like a river attendeth my way,
when sorrow like sea billows blow
whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
it is well, it is well with my soul.

***

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:

a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,

a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,

a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,

a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away

a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak

a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.

ecclesiastes 3:1-8

***

Lord, it really hurts and my soul deep within me cries out, despondent and burdened because of all the guilt and regret that wrecks me. but Your peace comes to me in the warm light of the afternoon, enveloping me and comforting me. in the aloneness and quietness of my room, i realize that our earthly dwelling doesn't belong to us, but rather it belongs to You.

in Your time, there's a time to love, for war, for peace, for planting, sowing, tearing down and healing. in Your time, there's a time for birth and the joy that comes with it, and yet at the same time You weave this world such that as one family rejoices and delights in a tiny new bundle of life, another weeps as the casket is buried.

but whatever the case, whatever the situation, we are not in charge. i am not in charge of this. i am not in control, but You are in control of it all. must it have come to this for me to understand? perhaps i might've understood sooner, if i had not shut You out and chosen to focus on the problem. You know what they always tell me, to focus on the Mountain-mover, not the mountain? Well, Daddy, i guess i did the exact opposite and paid attention only to the pain, guilt and regret engulfing me.

You never, ever said it was going to be easy, did You? and i could say You didn't make it easier for me by giving me the gift of having a gamut of emotions run through my veins and soul and mind at any given point time. but whatever the lot, Lord, i pray that it will be well with my soul.

and that i may truly come to understand what that means, even in the light of what is inevitable, but difficult to face.

it is well, it is well, with my soul.