when i wake in the morning, no longer will i shun the mirror. instead, i will look at my reflection and marvel at the work of art my Father God has created. i will no longer gripe and groan about physical imperfection, but take joy in the fact that God makes His strength perfect in my weaknesses.

i will no longer let the devil trick me into thinking that i am not loved based on how i look like, but remember the love of friends, of family and overriding all these, of the God who loved me in spite of my broken and unlovely nature. and despite all the tears and pain i've caused myself, He's shown me that indeed i am loved by so many, and that maybe by destroying myself, i could break their hearts too...just as i must have broken His.

this damage i've done to myself can't be repaired overnight. it will take days, nights, weeks, months. and neither can i do it on my own. and so as a start, it must be fitting to open up my heart to love once more. instead of disallowing it, instead of walling myself up and closing myself off and resisting, rejecting love, i want to allow it to fill up my heart and my life.

i know He loves me, i just can't comprehend it, and so i don't want to receive it. but now, i want that to change. i want to change. i will break free from these chains and leap for joy. i will step out of the boat and walk on crashing waves which will not envelope me. i will dance in the street, undignified. and i will marvel, in awe of a God who creates carefully, a God who loves unconditionally.