school is catching up with me faster than i want it to. i think i owe it to a great deal of laziness and procrastination. the stress starts to get the better of me.

the projects pile up, the readings get pushed to the wayside and then i begin to obsess about things. i wish i could run from it all, but really, what's the point when i know i need to face this head on. i don't know what i am doing because sometimes i honestly wish to throw everything aside and just give up.

maybe this is what marx meant when he wrote about work becoming meaningless. this isn't exactly work as he meant it, but i guess it could come pretty close.

and the most painful thing is, perhaps i've forgotten You these couple of days. and when my eyes aren't fixed on You, i lose hope, i lose focus, i lose zeal, i lose energy.

i read this poem back in jc, and let these lines be my prayer tonight.

"teach me the senses' disorientation, give me
the folly needed
when the world is too wsie,
and the courage to keep singing
when everything sinks" (taken from two drunken portraits by boey kim cheng)